Behind the Wheel when riding with Parents

Tuesday, January 28, 2025


"Turn, right here," "Slow down," You're going to fast," "Too CLOSE... Speed up" ALL in the same moment!

Can you talk to your mom or dad about what you need to learn to drive? Learning to drive is one of the biggest milestones in your life. It’s a step toward independence and responsibility—but let’s be real, it can also be a huge stress test for you and your parents. Sitting in the car together, trying to master parallel parking or tackle a busy intersection, can make even the calmest people lose their cool. That’s why communication is key. If you want your driving lessons with your parents to be less "shouting match" and more "team effort," it’s time to set some ground rules for how you’d like to be spoken to—and how you’ll speak to them, too.


Here’s how you can talk to your parents about how to communicate with you during driving lessons, while keeping respect at the center of it all.

1. Start with Gratitude

Let’s be honest: teaching someone to drive is no walk in the park. It takes time, patience, and nerves of steel. Your parents are giving you a huge gift by helping you learn this skill, so start the conversation by letting them know you’re grateful. You could say something like, “Mom/Dad, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me learn how to drive. I know it’s not easy, and I’m thankful for your support.” This will set a positive tone and show them you’re mature enough to have a respectful conversation.


2. Share How You Feel

Now that you’ve started on a positive note, it’s time to share your feelings. Let your parents know what works for you—and what doesn’t—when it comes to how they talk to you while you’re driving. Be honest, but keep your tone calm and respectful.

For example:

  • “When you’re really calm and give me clear instructions, I feel more confident and focused.”
  • “When you raise your voice, it makes me feel nervous and makes it harder for me to concentrate.”
  • “It helps me a lot when you explain things before we start driving, so I know what to expect.”

This is about helping them understand what kind of communication helps you do your best.


3. Set Clear Expectations

Once you’ve shared your feelings, it’s time to set some ground rules—together. This isn’t about demanding things from your parents; it’s about finding a way to work as a team. Explain that you’d like to come up with a plan for how to communicate during lessons so that it’s productive for both of you.

For example:

  • “Can we agree to keep our voices calm, even if I make a mistake?”
  • “If I do something wrong, can you tell me what to do differently instead of just saying, ‘You’re doing it wrong’?”
  • “If I’m feeling overwhelmed, can I ask to pull over for a minute to regroup?”

These kinds of agreements show that you’re not just asking for respect—you’re offering it in return.


4. Listen to Their Concerns

Communication is a two-way street (pun intended). After you’ve shared how you’d like to be spoken to, ask your parents how they’re feeling about teaching you to drive. They might be worried about your safety, frustrated by distractions, or just stressed out in general.

Ask questions like:

  • “What can I do to make teaching me easier for you?”
  • “Are there things I do while driving that make you feel nervous?”
  • “How can I show you that I’m listening and trying my best?”

By asking these questions, you’re showing your parents that you value their perspective, too.


5. Create a "Reset Button"

No matter how well you communicate, there will probably be moments where tensions run high. When that happens, it’s helpful to have a "reset button" that you and your parents can use to cool down and refocus. Maybe it’s as simple as pulling over and taking a few deep breaths, or maybe you agree to take a short break if either of you is feeling too stressed.

You could suggest something like:

  • “If things get heated, can we agree to pause for a minute and start fresh?”
  • “Let’s come up with a word or phrase we can use to signal when we need to take a breather.”

Having a plan in place can prevent small disagreements from turning into full-blown arguments.


6. Show Patience and Maturity

If you’re asking your parents to stay calm and respectful, you’ve got to hold yourself to the same standard. Driving is stressful, and you’re going to make mistakes. When your parents correct you, try not to snap or roll your eyes. Instead, take a deep breath and remind yourself that they’re trying to help—even if it doesn’t always feel that way. If you do lose your cool, own up to it and apologize. Something as simple as, “Sorry for snapping, I’m just feeling really overwhelmed right now,” can go a long way in keeping the peace.


7. End on a Positive Note

At the end of each driving lesson, take a minute to thank your parents and talk about what went well. Focusing on the positives will help both of you feel more confident and motivated for the next lesson.

You could say:

.
  • “Thanks for being so patient with me today. It really helped me stay calm.”
  • “I think I did better with [insert skill here], and that’s because you explained it so clearly.”

By ending on a good note, you’ll leave the car feeling accomplished instead of frustrated.


Final Thoughts

Learning to drive isn’t just about mastering the car—it’s about building a strong, respectful relationship with your parents as they guide you through this process. Remember, they’re doing this because they care about you and want to see you succeed. By communicating openly, setting clear expectations, and showing patience on both sides, you can make this experience a lot smoother—and maybe even a little fun. You’ve got this!